Blogging is a full time job.............

So, the lesson to be learned here is: if you are going to blog, be prepared to do it right, or do it not!
I should've known that since I can hardly keep a journal I would hardly keep a blog.
There are so many others out there, and they must do it full time - like a career.
Clearly, I am not ready to commit to such a relationship.
And it's not like I have anything interesting to write about, anyway.
I am just a normal person with a normal life, nothing special here!
I have a border collie, but we don't have sheep, we don't do agility or flyball (although we did try it) or visit nursing homes.
I am just an average, ho-hum person.
What can I offer that no one else has already done?
Not much.
So.........................what have I done in the last few monthes?
I have started on a personal journey of discovery - oh, God that sounds so pompous!!
I am starting something, though - albeit a bit late in life.
I am trying to learn who I am.
There are a lot of bad habits which I have formed over the years - more bad than good, I think. So I have been trying to correct those things which have been keeping me from being a whole person. A life full of guilt, regret and self-hate is not a life, and I have started to work on seeing that I am worthy enough to have a good life, that I deserve to treat myself better.
This kind of self-absorbed introspection is not likely to make good reading, so I don't expect anyone else to follow this. Please don't expect me to come up with some grand scheme for living the perfect life - there is no such thing, and someone else has probably written about it already.
I take baby steps.
After all, to re-invent yourself from the inside out is not a small chore!!

In a pickle...........

Well, I am obviously not very good at keeping up with this. Life seems to get in the way!
We planted a garden this year, and I was told in no uncertain terms that if I didn't use the produce we could consider this the last one.
Let me tell you, every garden is absolutely huge when it comes time to weed it!!
We have had so much rain this week, I was ready to start building an ark. Thunder every day - poor Bo has been beside himself - an absolute clingon.
But this past weekend was hot, hot, hot and muggy. Did I say it was hot and muggy? That is the time I decided to pickle.
Now, I have known people who have canned food. My mother used to can tomatoes. But I am an absolute newbie at this whole 'putting food by' thing. I want to do it - especially with the increased cost of food. But I am very new at it.
So in my usual fashion, I went out and bought supplies last week in anticipation: jars, lids, canner, pickle crisp, salt, vinegar, lids, jars, blah blah blah. Oh, and a book (or two). I always have to read up on what I am going to try. (don't get me going on the number of dog training books I have).
I decided that since I don't have cucumbers, I would pickle zucchini. Lo and behold, there are recipes for pickling zucchini and summer squash.
Ta Dah! I can do this.........right?
Well I did, in the hot muggy kitchen on a hot muggy day.
Bleh!!
Now I know exactly why some people have "summer" kitchens in the basement.
Not that I can - my basement is a large, dirt floor rectangle with fieldstone walls.
Long story short, I now have 4 pints of pickled zucchini, and 6 smaller jars of pickled garlic scapes for good measure.
This could be really cool................if they taste good!
I also plan on freezing some of the zucchini (grated) for baking yummy bread this winter.

Well, true to form I have not been able to visit every day.

I don't think it's a problem, though.

Perhaps I could talk a little about what is going on here these days -

We are in the process of totally renovating an old farm house. In almost 4 years we have totally gutted the place - and I mean to the bare (outside) walls - jacked it up, put new subfloor down on the first floor, all new wiring, new plumbing, some new windows, new floor plan - the works! It is still very much a work in process.

Would you like to see a before and after?

This is a view looking from the back corner (bedroom) towards the (soon to be) kitchen.

This is the 'after' of the back corner bedroom.

Looks better, doesn't it?

We are gradually working our way through the first floor of the house. Then we will move to the upstairs.

Perhaps I will post some more pics as we go -

We build our lives around the things we believe are permanent.
For example, taking a new job and buying a house in the community - we think we will always have that job, or we will always live in that area.
Sometimes things work out that way........sometimes they don't.
Why then, is anyone surprised that there is such a huge upheaval in their life when what they believe clashes with reality.
Sometimes forever isn't.
We loose a job, and/or we find a new one. We sell that house and move to another area. We go from being a couple to being alone, or from being a child to being the parent.
Life is generally full of changes, not always for the better.
But change is not always for the worse, either.
My mother had a saying - "Things always happen for a reason" - and I have found that to be true. The reason is not always apparent, and actually there may be quite a bit of time between the event and the time I realize what the reason was.
Many people fall into the trap of thinking that only bad changes cause stress, when in fact any change - good or bad - can cause stress. They wonder why, when they have finally found the job/house/partner of their 'dreams', they feel uneasy or anxious.
Sometimes it's a nightmare to have your dreams come true.

Dread

My, what a witty and light title!! (note the heavy sarcasm)
I absolutely dread this coming weekend. I mean really dread. We are going to a memorial service for one of our friends.
I have lost both my parents, Aunts, Uncles, grandmothers and mother in-law. But this is effecting me to an extent I did not expect.
Maybe because she was younger than I?
Because she was the wife of my husband's best friend?
I don't know.........but this is going to be one of the longest weekends I have had in a while.

Perhaps part of the problem is my view on death as a whole.
See, I have no faith. I don't believe in the afterlife.
Now, don't get me wrong - I want to believe. I envy those who take such comfort in their belief - that death is not the end, but a new beginning.
I don't buy it - dead, in my book, is DEAD. That's it, end of the show, no more lines.
Cells are living only as long as they get sustenance from a living body. Dead cells = dead consciousness = the END.
That's the problem with science - it is hard to reconcile the biological facts with wanting to believe life goes on in some way. That is faith.
I have none.
I am bereft in the truest sense.

Bits and Pieces

To me, one of the most unbearable tasks in life would be to make the phone calls after a loved one has died. You know - calling the families and friends. You not only have to share your grief, but now you also bring grief to others and add that load to your own. To call a parent or a child, brother or sister, whoever - and tell them their parent/child/sibling is gone - it is excrutiating.
One is almost thankful they are so numb, but that only lasts for a fleeting while.

The second most unbearable task would be picking up the bits and pieces of the life suddenly stopped - as if in mid-sentence. The little tasks unfinished - the grocery list they were writing, the appointments made that you must now cancel on their behalf.
"What was she going to do with that? She never told me where she wanted that picture hung. "
"Oh! He never told me who we should call for the roof repair."
Coming home, to a house echoing with unfinished conversations.
You think you will see them again - only going out for a minute. Then your entire world changes.

You are not so numb, anymore.

Death cannot have a heart, 'else how would he ever do his job?

Old Lady Hair

I have old lady hair.
No offense to any older women - after all, I hope to become one when I grow up.
But my hair is aging ahead of me. It is becoming (even more) uncooperative - frizzy, unmanageable and, God forbid, thinner on top.
I have tried lots of products that claim to 'de-frizz', moisturize, tame, shine and smooth.
All they do is make money for their respective companies.
Maybe I should just shave it off - go all Sinead on my family. But I would not look as good, and I don't need to make any statements.
*sigh*
Time to buy more scrunchies.............